Essence of Diaper

Hi I’m Mila. That’s me on the right. When I’m not dressed up like a pirate and scaling the bridge on Bayshore Blvd, you can find me in civilian clothes drinking milk from a sippy cup and walking around in plastic high heels that click on our ceramic tile.

I know you already met my brother, Caleb. He and I are quite different in our approach to life. I typically smell like fruit and toothpaste. He has more of an essence of crackers and diaper. He’s a pretty laid-back, take life as it comes, kind of guy. We have no idea where he gets it from.

I, however, prefer to have a hand in my day to day functioning. My mom is well-intentioned. I’m glad she hasn’t caught on yet to the astute mental capacity of my brother and I. She assumes we are just adorable, curly-haired reflections of Jesus with sweet little lisps and we do as she says because we’re obedient. It's us and her (and our big sister until she goes back to school) for 8 hours until daddy’s done with work. She says adorable things like “Mila, do you want to go to the library?” Of course not, Amy. I’d like to sit right here with my Capri-Sun and draw on my hands with my sister’s permanent markers when you’re not looking. I can’t say these things to my mom because she'd never let THAT be an option, so I just smile really big, shake my head and say “Nope”. And then she laughs and laughs as she forces my shoes on and carries me to the mini-van anyways. Your questions are redundant, Amy. That's what i want to say. 

I have very long eyelashes and with them comes tremendous power. I can bat them slowly or quickly. I can also trap a tear in them and turn just right so the tear glistens in the kitchen light and my dad actually melts into a puddle right in front of me. 

For fun, I enjoy blowing bubbles, telling my parents "no" and figuring out how things work. I have 2 great siblings and I'm so glad I get to raise these parents with them on my team.          

Stay at Home Children

Hey fellow bloggers,

My name’s Caleb. That’s me on the right, with the unruly hair and the under-the-sea pajamas. I broke the remote control three times today so I didn’t put up much of a fight when my mom picked out these particular pajamas. I figure she earned it. I’m more of a rugby-striped, zip-up one-piece with the slip guards on the feet kind of guy but I let her dress me without incident. I’ll find a time to maneuver in my famous kick and barrel roll the next time I feel she needs a gentle reminder of who she works for. 

This is my mom on the left. She says my sisters and I are her 3 favorite people, although I’m certain she likes me a little bit more. We have an agreement to never look at any camera at the same time. She spends a lot of time coiling my curly hair around her index finger while we watch Zootopia. I’ve learned just to lean my head into her a little closer sometimes. It’s the least I can do given the number of times I’ve puked in her freshly-washed hair.

I'm writing this blog because I want to teach other kids the proper way to children their parents. It involves a great deal of patience, the willingness to go limp-noodle in public places and a lot of careful observation. I heard my mom say recently that she's going to be a stay-at-home mom. I don’t know the details but it must be big because she brought home her entire classroom in our minivan and she keeps saying things like “Ya’ll better shape up if we’re going to be home together every day.” So, I’m working on my shapes now because she seems serious about it.

Check back every once in a while. My sister, Mila and I will be giving you tips on how to manage a home life balance, how to reject blueberries and cucumbers and opt for simple carbs like hot dog buns, how to maximize the amount of square footage you can cover in small, sharp and difficult-to-see toys, how to keep your parents on a schedule and most importantly how to seamlessly establish dominance in a home where the children outnumber the adults.